Irresistable Fragrance

My father once wanted to compliment my mother on her scent. He said, “Annemarie, that smells great! Is that your new perfume?” She said that it wasn’t. “It must be the cloth for cleaning my glasses.” 

Most men don’t care about fragrances. If they had to do without one of their sensory organs, the choice wouldn’t be difficult to make. But we got it – women feel differently. They appreciate it when we smell good. And there are easy ways to make up for any shortcomings. Instead of doing agonising sit-ups to strengthen our abs, we only need to press a spray button. Even mass products from the chemist’s shop make you irresistible, or so say the advertisers. Three euros for a deodorant that drives every woman crazy is certainly a good investment. That’s why I developed a passion for perfume. A man can emit the scent of lavender or a tonka bean without having an effeminate appearance. 

Six flacons are now lined up on the shelf next to the mirror. But I wanted to go one step further. The key word here is pheromones. These are fragrances which animals of the same species use to communicate and to attract sexual partners. Researchers have confirmed the subconscious effect of pheromones on humans as well. But it is not yet clear if you can apply them to the skin just like perfume.
I ordered mine on the internet. Ten millilitres for 25 euros. They come with a warning for idiots on the label of the bottle: “For external use only.” The liquid gives off a pungent smell. However, the pheromones shouldn’t be applied to the skin neat, but rather mixed with any alcoholic scented water. The provider boasts that only a few drops are enough “to heat up a woman’s mood to boiling point”. That’d be nice. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice any differences during the field trial. Not a single woman asked me spontaneously for my number. Not even a placebo effect. The only comfort I had was the realisation that cheating doesn’t always help. 

Sebastian Leber is a reporter with the Tagesspiegel. His career in fragrances started with Duschdas Sport. Right now, he swears by Issey Miyake. 

This column has first been published in the printed edition of 30 Grad in autumn 2017.